A lot of people are going to ask me why I've done this. There are several reasons besides the ones I noted in my opening post.
First of all, I have a responsibility to my family, loved ones and friends, something I learned from my father, God bless him. That responsibility is to look out for them, to protect them and keep them safe.
Secondly, I despise men who abuse women. My sister had to put up with it, but got out quickly, thank God. You've read about Melanie in my first post. And just in general, I abhor people who abuse or take advantage (in any way) of those weaker than they are, men or women.
I've had a couple of people ask me if I'm being the 'jealous ex-boyfriend'. The answer to that is a qualified yes. Yes, I'm hurt that the relationship I had didn't work out, but I understand the reasons for it and accept that I was much at fault because I travel a lot and was not around enough to maintain the sort of relationship this woman wanted. Yes, I'm sorry we are no longer together, because I cared a great deal for her. And yes, I'd change our situation if I could. It isn't going to happen though, and I accept that, with much sadness.
But am I doing this because I'm jealous? No.
What I am is concerned, and frightened, for this woman's safety.
And then there's accountability. The police officers I've spoken with don't believe that this man has been adequately punished for what he's done. His ex girlfriend and her family most certainly don't and they are still frightened of him.
I think the public has a right to know just what is walking the streets of their city, and since the court documents are public record - you can get them from the courthouse yourself - I think it's time this man was held accountable for the harm he has caused to the women in his life.
What do I hope to achieve by doing this? First of all, I hope that this woman's friends will see the abuser for what he actually is - a smooth talking, dope dealing convicted criminal who abuses women. I hope that they will take a stand with me and speak out against this relationship - and several already have.
This woman is an intelligent woman - she'll listen to her friends, people she knows who love and care about her, people she knows who want the best for her and who won't accept her being put at risk.
Several of her friends have already stated that they do not want this man around them, that they are not willing to have his company in any way. I hope that more of them do the same, that they take a stand against this man with a long history of abusing women. And not just this man, but ANY man who has been an abuser. Any man, anywhere. This needs to be done.
In this way, we can help out any woman in a similar situation. At the very minimum, the abuser will know that others know what he is, and that may stop him from harming the woman he is with. There will be no more black eyes because the abused woman ‘bumped into a door’. The abuser will have nowhere to hide if his partner is hurt or injured.
Abusers rarely, if ever, change.
In other words, once an abuser, always an abuser. That being the case, the burden lies on the rest of us who care about these women to step up to the plate, to make it clear to these men that we will not tolerate their presence in our lives - or the lives of our sisters, daughters, mothers, loved ones and friends.
Perhaps, in this way, the women living with these men will see through the eyes of their friends just what they are doing, the danger they are placing themselves in. And just perhaps, some woman somewhere will escape from the violence she's living with because of this site. That alone would be reason enough for me to do this.
But, and it's ironic - it's going to take much more strength to do this than it did for Chrissie's brother to throw this bum out of the house. It's going to take strength of character - strength to recognize that your friend may be hurt by your action, may not understand why you do this, may turn away from your tough love. And I believe it's going to be the women who lead this charge, not men, because it's the women who are being hurt.
Still, I believe that if more women take this step and ostracize the abusers who are hurting their friends, sisters, daughters and mothers, and insist that the men in their lives do the same, perhaps the women at risk will begin to understand just how unacceptable these men are, and will take steps to get rid of them.
Yes - these are lofty sentiments, pie in the sky prayers - but what is the alternate? Do nothing? Allow another woman to be hurt?
For me, that's not an option. I hope you'll join in supporting this idea.
First of all, I have a responsibility to my family, loved ones and friends, something I learned from my father, God bless him. That responsibility is to look out for them, to protect them and keep them safe.
Secondly, I despise men who abuse women. My sister had to put up with it, but got out quickly, thank God. You've read about Melanie in my first post. And just in general, I abhor people who abuse or take advantage (in any way) of those weaker than they are, men or women.
I've had a couple of people ask me if I'm being the 'jealous ex-boyfriend'. The answer to that is a qualified yes. Yes, I'm hurt that the relationship I had didn't work out, but I understand the reasons for it and accept that I was much at fault because I travel a lot and was not around enough to maintain the sort of relationship this woman wanted. Yes, I'm sorry we are no longer together, because I cared a great deal for her. And yes, I'd change our situation if I could. It isn't going to happen though, and I accept that, with much sadness.
But am I doing this because I'm jealous? No.
What I am is concerned, and frightened, for this woman's safety.
And then there's accountability. The police officers I've spoken with don't believe that this man has been adequately punished for what he's done. His ex girlfriend and her family most certainly don't and they are still frightened of him.
I think the public has a right to know just what is walking the streets of their city, and since the court documents are public record - you can get them from the courthouse yourself - I think it's time this man was held accountable for the harm he has caused to the women in his life.
What do I hope to achieve by doing this? First of all, I hope that this woman's friends will see the abuser for what he actually is - a smooth talking, dope dealing convicted criminal who abuses women. I hope that they will take a stand with me and speak out against this relationship - and several already have.
This woman is an intelligent woman - she'll listen to her friends, people she knows who love and care about her, people she knows who want the best for her and who won't accept her being put at risk.
Several of her friends have already stated that they do not want this man around them, that they are not willing to have his company in any way. I hope that more of them do the same, that they take a stand against this man with a long history of abusing women. And not just this man, but ANY man who has been an abuser. Any man, anywhere. This needs to be done.
In this way, we can help out any woman in a similar situation. At the very minimum, the abuser will know that others know what he is, and that may stop him from harming the woman he is with. There will be no more black eyes because the abused woman ‘bumped into a door’. The abuser will have nowhere to hide if his partner is hurt or injured.
Abusers rarely, if ever, change.
In other words, once an abuser, always an abuser. That being the case, the burden lies on the rest of us who care about these women to step up to the plate, to make it clear to these men that we will not tolerate their presence in our lives - or the lives of our sisters, daughters, mothers, loved ones and friends.
Perhaps, in this way, the women living with these men will see through the eyes of their friends just what they are doing, the danger they are placing themselves in. And just perhaps, some woman somewhere will escape from the violence she's living with because of this site. That alone would be reason enough for me to do this.
But, and it's ironic - it's going to take much more strength to do this than it did for Chrissie's brother to throw this bum out of the house. It's going to take strength of character - strength to recognize that your friend may be hurt by your action, may not understand why you do this, may turn away from your tough love. And I believe it's going to be the women who lead this charge, not men, because it's the women who are being hurt.
Still, I believe that if more women take this step and ostracize the abusers who are hurting their friends, sisters, daughters and mothers, and insist that the men in their lives do the same, perhaps the women at risk will begin to understand just how unacceptable these men are, and will take steps to get rid of them.
Yes - these are lofty sentiments, pie in the sky prayers - but what is the alternate? Do nothing? Allow another woman to be hurt?
For me, that's not an option. I hope you'll join in supporting this idea.
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